i have had some extraordinarily interesting thoughts about chickens, including, but not limited to:

  • the trolley problem but with chickens
  • chickens in gimp suits
  • masses of chickens being spontaneously created and destroyed
  • every chicken on earth being replaced with something that is almost but not quite like a chicken
  • a chicken spa with rows of chickens being massaged
  • an infinite amount of chickens
  • chicken upload
  • cyborg chickens
  • becoming a chicken
  • and a poor family watching in horror as their chickens disappear one by one.

Oh no, chicken politics:

Capitalism: You have two chickens. The chickens have planned obsolescence built in so you have to repurchase them every few years. The chickens are classified as software and you don’t really own them but simply license a right to use them, and thus PoliceMob will hunt you down if you try to breed more chickens or CRISPR away the self-destruct genes.

Social democracy: You have two chickens. The state takes one of your chickens. You spend several weeks filling forms to qualify for the Chicken Investment Subsidy Program, after which you can get your chicken back. If you didn’t do this, your neighbor would be the one to get your chicken instead. The website explains how great it is that the state gives free chickens to people.

Statist socialism: You have two chickens. The state takes both; slaughters one and gives the meat to its voters; sends the other to the president’s offshore bank account in Panama; sets a price ceiling on eggs; and declares you a class enemy for not being able to produce eggs under that price. You buy eggs from the black market for twenty times the official price.

Anarcho-capitalism: You have two chickens. After your regular payments to Dawn Defense to make sure that your chickens aren’t stolen and that any rooster you would hypothetically buy in the future would actually be a rooster and that you are protected against all the things you couldn’t possibly anticipate, you can save a few satoshis each day. But one day you will surely have saved enough to purchase a rooster and hire your own servants.

Anarcho-communism: You have two chickens. PoliceMob shows up and shoots them because fuck you that’s why. The mainstream media says the chickens must have deserved it because surely PoliceMob wouldn’t do such a thing without a very good reason.

Mutualism: You have two chickens. You keep your chickens in your living room so that they remain unambiguously in your possession. You spend every waking hour doing something vaguely chicken-related so you can claim your daily production of eggs are worth 16 work-hour-units.

Utilitarianism: You have two chickens. You slightly inconvenience yourself to increase their welfare substantially.

Postmodernism: You have two chickens and absolutely no clue how to produce eggs. You invent ever more complicated constructs to try to stop anyone from noticing that material chickens in the material world actually do produce material eggs, no matter how clever your arguments are.

Steel postmodernism: Chickens are a social construct. You can’t eat social constructs, but the social construct “egg” usually refers to something that can be eaten so you use it as a convenient shorthand to conceptualize reality. You laugh at people who seriously ask questions like “what came first, the chicken or the egg?”

Rationalism: You talk about chickens literally 24/7, and you’ve reached a point where you no longer even think to ask why.

Oh I know WHY :^)

^– This was originally a reply but I thought to myself: “My followers deserve this high quality shitposting.”

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