Coffee

Let me tell you a story. A story about an idiot.

Spoiler: It is me. I am the idiot.

Once upon a time, I was a scout.

And the scouts hold, in october, something called “Jamboree on the Air” – an event where scouts put up radio stations and talk to each other across the world. I was 10, I believe, at the time of this story, which puts it more than two decades back.

In the age of the internet, you can get real frustrated with time zones keeping your Fresh Content away from your mutuals until they wake up in several hours but when I was 10, that wasn’t a thing. If you wanted somebody to get a message when you weren’t awake, you sent mail. Not email, an actual message written on a killed tree like an animal. If you wanted to talk to somebody over radio, you had to be awake at the same time.

How?

Coffee, of course!

Now you may think it is precious that your 10 year old knows how to run a coffee machine and sometimes wakes you up with warm coffee instead of e.g. screaming about cartoons. HOWEVER: Consider that this means your kid also knows how to make coffee when you AREN’T around. What I am trying to get at here is that you shouldn’t let 10 year olds decide their own appropriate coffee intake.

Getting back to the story, I’m brewing coffee. I’m brewing lots of coffee.

Over the next hour and a half, I drink two whole pots.

Now caffeine is a wonderous substance – for example, did you know that it is a nerve toxin? I didn’t!

Let us greet out good friend Wikipedia

  • Age range: 10-12
  • Maximum recommended daily caffeine intake: 85 mg (about ½ cup of coffee)

That doe…

That doens’t say two whole pots. It doesn’t. Does it? It doesn’t, right? Because I’m reading

  • Maximum recommended daily caffeine intake: Shieldfoss is an idiot.

Also notice: That’s the recommended maximum. It is not “recommended average,” because the average recommended amount of caffeine for children is 0 mg. Huh. WHO KNEW.

And that’s the story about how I thought I was going to die, writing in pain on a cold concrete floor in the darkness of a basement, sweating, puking and incredibly afraid of waking any of the scout leaders because clearly dying in pain on the floor is a better decision than letting people know you made a mistake.

In Conclusion: Nerve toxins – Freely available from your local grocer.

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