I don’t think I could ever give myself over to something that demands control over your beliefs as you present them, even in the most private forum. The ability to speak out of character is very, very important to me.

(This isn’t the same as keeping a secret; to keep a secret, you say “that is a secret”, or you neglect to raise the topic at all. The kind of thing I am talking about, you say “yes” when you mean “no”. You tell *yourself* “yes”, in your darkest and quietest moments, when every fiber of your core is aware that the answer is “no”. I know that some people can play this kind of game, and I suppose I admire that, but for myself I find that I just *need* an explicit internal model of the world, one with no winks or nudges or polite fictions. Winks and nods are for when you cannot say aloud what you mean to say; I guess what I’m getting at here is I could never tolerate being unable to say *silently* what I mean to say.)


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