kale needs to go. I like bitter, I like green vegetables, not just because “eating healthy” has a virtuous wholesome miasma that’s comforting in a way divorced from the object level sensory experience, brussels sprouts are close to a genuine comfort food for me as such per se for their own sake. but kale, in any preparation whatsoever, has the texture and mouth feel of despair. if I never see it on my plate again it will be too soon.
I can tolerate it in contexts where a bitter green is an asset and you want the frizziness for textural or architectural reasons but that doesn’t come up that often and everything, everything is kale right now. we have spinach, we have arugula, don’t give me kale
no. visual aesthetic is not a sufficient reason, unless it’s literally purely table decoration in which case why are you fussing in that weird way with the table. and there is no situation in which the texture of kale improves anything about the eating experience. it is a massive detriment in and/or on every dish.
it combines the dreariest aspects of both rigidity and flaccidity, being unyielding nearly to the point of hostility yet at the same time limp, listless, and entirely devoid of cronch.
it’s hellishly dry for fresh non-starchy produce. if you want something to add a refreshing bit of green zing tempering an otherwise rich and heavy plate of food, kale will deliver literally nothing in service of your objective other than bitterness as a one-dimensional flavor note. there is no relief in it, no refreshment, it provides no balance. (I also have a bit of a grudge against collard greens in this regard, but considering they get cooked in literal pork fat it’s harder to blame them. also, I am not continually pelted by collard greens, which I am by kale, because opposite semiotics, so I don’t have nearly as hot and steaming a head of grudge built up.)
in short, kale delenda est, thank you for coming to my ted talk.
I agree 100%
I remember eating kale as a kid, before it was trendy, and hating it
I was really baffled when it became hip
How are you guys preparing it? Not to dismiss other people’s sensory realities, but “dry” and “listless” are not adjectives I’ve ever associated with kale. The problem, as I see it, is that it’s very easy to both over- and undercook, and both extremes are unpleasant. But when it’s steamed perfectly and tossed with stir-fried onions and mushrooms, it’s one of my favorite vegetables.
Another problem is that people often serve the leaves without shredding or even de-boning them, which is definitely not fun to eat. You gotta chop that shit.
(Nota bene: really not trying to be one of those “if you don’t like it you’re doing it wrong” people, because that’s too tiresome by half, but I also think a lot of people grew up on soggy, mushy, badly prepared vegetables and as such don’t fully appreciate them. if, like OP, you have tried multiple preparations and still don’t like it, feel free to ignore me. I myself hate turnips and cannot be talked into liking them. we’re all good.)
You Are Supposed To Stew Kale For Half An Hour In An Equal Weight Of Dairy, Mainly Cream But Also A Bit Of Butter And Milk.
“Screw you guys, I’m gonna make my own kale dish, with butter and cream! In fact, forget the kale!”
If you serve Kale and you aren’t Scandinavian, that’s cultural appropriation.
If you serve Kale and it isn’t stewed in dairy and served with ham and potatoes, that’s cultural appropriation and also bad cuisine, I’m sorry I don’t make the rules.
Excuse you, I culturally appropriate kale directly from its authentic source.
You come into my farmers market food stall
in the millium where my culture is reinventing marriage,