bambamramfan:

not-a-lizard
replied to your post “balioc:
balioc:

There is not a conflict between “it’s OK to be…”

I would like to note that there’s an important difference between raising your voice / using all caps / etc and making cutting personal remarks at people!

While these are certainly different things in intensity, the nature of their harm is the same: it communicates that this person is upset at me. Can you phrase how they are harmful without referring to the mental state of the deliveree?

The classic example is Tourette’s. Someone with it might say things that are absolutely awful normally, but since you know they don’t mean it, the impact is blunted. Whereas if someone has a physically aggressive motor control problem, well, it doesn’t matter whether they mean to hurt you or not, they still do.

People often use this to say “just don’t take it personally” and as a reason anger shouldn’t bother you. This obviously fails as advice. Instead I say that we must admit what other people think about us is an important factor in our well-being.

While these are certainly different things in intensity, the nature of their harm is the same: it communicates that this person is upset at me. Can you phrase how they are harmful without referring to the mental state of the deliveree?

If I’m getting yelled at, I predict the other person is angry at me and may have a hard time controlling it. Depending on relative size and available weapons I should/should not worry about physical harm.

If I’m getting cutting remarks, I predict the other person is trying for some sort of social status play. Depending on relative standing and available institutions I should/should not worry about reputational harm.

NB: Since there’s no physical harm over the internet, CAPS LOCK IS ONLY WORRYING IF THE OTHER PERSON IS THE TYPE TO CONVERT THE FIRST KIND OF THING INTO THE SECOND.

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