One weird thing about the traditional framing for discouraging premarital sex is that it makes women sound super-unruffled by casual sex while men are fragile highly-strung creatures that are easily heartbroken.

“When your husband finds out he’s not your first he will be absolutely crushed!

There’s an aspect to the redpill discourse around that especially that I find pretty upsetting, which is the idea that women can only “genuinely bond with” their first few sex partners, and after that we somehow lose the capacity for love. I’ve seen this endorsed in several places and it really, really bothers me because it requires them to see us women as so alien and almost inhuman. I feel like most people, men or women, get better at loving people the more we practice relationships. 

But the idea isn’t troubling just because it’s wrong, but because it depends on a set of super alienating assumptions, including a) women work really, really differently from men, to the extent that’s it’s impossible for men to ever truly empathize with us; b) women can’t be trusted to accurately describe their own emotions, and shouldn’t be listened to when we do attempt to share such experiences; and c) just the whole slutshaming thing and making relationships out to be a dirtybadwrong thing in general.

those last few assumptions end up being highly motivated as they can be weaponised against people, like the belief that “no” is just a test.

Pretty sure it’s just anxiety speaking. “If she’s had sex with a lot of dudes, she’ll have tried the good stuff and be disappointed in my performance,” rephrased so you don’t have to admit bad things about yourself but can blame her instead.

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