Here’s something to chew on.
In case you wanna read the article this quote is from: http://rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2016-05-daughter-know-ok-angry/
Adaptable girls find socially acceptable ways to internalize or channel their discomfort and ire, sometimes at great personal cost. Passive aggressive behavior, anxiety, and depression are common effects. Sarcasm, apathy, and meanness have all been linked to suppressed rage. Troublesome behaviors, such as lying, skipping school, bullying other people, even being socially awkward are often signs that a teenager is dealing with anger that they are unable to name as anger.
Girls, taught to ignore their anger, become disassociated from themselves.
Anger is so successfully sublimated that girls lose the ability to understand what it feels and looks like. Is her heart racing? Does she feel flushed or shaky? Does she clench her jaws at night? Is she breaking out in hives? Does she cry for no reason? Laugh inappropriately during difficult conversations? Fly off the handle over something that seems inconsequential? You can see where I’m going here…those crazy girl hormones, right? Better to just think of it as a phase.
For too many women, however, the phase never ends. It’s lives spent never expressing anger at all and believing that they don’t have the right or ability to do so without great risk.
Ok this is important. I feel like this all the time.
I really feel this. A conversation I had with my psychologist last year after I described what I thought was an anxious reaction to somehow who’d hurt me calling me randomly after over a year. My heart was racing and I was shaking and felt hot all over and was on the verge of tears, and she said. “That sounds like anger. You’re allowed to be angry.” And I became very aware that I had not been able to identify my own anger and even know what it feels like up until that point.
I’ve said it before and I may get in trouble again, but this is why I feel uneasy when people talk about crying as part of “white femininity.” I don’t doubt that many white women use tears as a weapon, but I hope people don’t forget that the reason we cry instead of punch is that was how a particular cultural manifestation of sexism filed down our fangs.
I… really do not see how “powerlessness, injustice, and other people’s irresponsibility” are not the primary causes of mens’ anger – am I truly that unusual?
I have known several men with violent anger issues, and they almost always became angry because they felt powerless, felt something was unjust, or felt that other people had been absurdly irresponsible. Then they punched holes in walls and screamed curses at people.
The listed reasons are pretty much the only reasons people get angry at all. Even the “you lookin at me?” types feel like the people they attack were unjustly insulting them somehow.
It Was A Bad Paper Last Time It Circulated, And It Is Still Bad This Time Around