I am a grown-ass adult human being with a bad back who sometimes uses a cane and frequently walks into walls and whose knees make awful crackling sounds when I walk.
I do not.
So if you see me making posts about skating or posting selfies with a skateboard or posting selfies from the hospital with broken bones please mock me relentlessly, as I deserve.
i made the mistake of getting into watching those longboard dancing videos a while back, and tricked myself into trying to skateboard. I was holding onto the handles of an exercise tower to balance, and in the process of falling in the first 30 seconds of being on it, I managed to cut my palm bad enough that I can still kinda see the mark 4 months later. I am Pathetique
The last time I was on a skateboard for more than 20 seconds it was because I was skating from the train station to school but my first class of the day was a ballet class for PE credits and it was an early AM class so I left the house wearing my tights and leotard under a wrap dress.
So when you picture me eating shit you’ve gotta picture me eating shit by rolling over the smallest imaginable crack *while* I’m wearing a leotard and tights and have my hair pinned back in a bun AND THEN limping the rest of the way to ballet class and bleeding until I’d soaked the top of my pretty pink shoe.
The tights scabbed into the cut and had to be soaked out four hours later.
Since then, though, I’ve gotten a lot more flexible and I’ve played competitive roller derby so maybe I’ll be better at balancing now?
Anyway I bought the skateboard.
bought the skateboard
I’ll get started on the mockery then, shall I?