So how does one, in a straight relationship, prevent that situation? What about solutions to said situation surfacing?

mitigatedextras:

The problem with this take is that a significant chunk of straight women are not actually attracted to sensitive, emotional, et cetera men and weakness in men disgusts them – see, unfortunately, the shittier parts of Feminism.

Not necessarily even a majority, but a large enough chunk that it fundamentally alters the incentives for male behavior to act like a STOIC LA LA and repress everything. 

It’s not that people are attracted to evil, but that they’re attracted to things that are orthogonal to either good or evil.  

The only women I’ve seen reliably actually walk the walk of “men should be more caring, nurturing, feminine, don’t need to be strong like that” are neurodivergent or queer.

TL;DR: It’s time to dump androgens in the water supply.

diarrheaworldstarhiphop:

well, for men, its to address complex traumas and fucking, not emotionally batter the women they date

and like, its not because men LOVE to traumatize and abuse women in particular, its because the women straight men date are the closest to the man’s true selves, the selves they build their performative masculine facade around out of insecurity. They are softer and open to a degree around them, which triggers and opens the wounds he depresses out of stubborn masculine idealization of how he should be – as society expects him to be as a Successful Man. This lends itself to women becoming the therapist in the relationship. She just is the sponge for the repressed anxieties, resent and anger men hold – expected to support him undyingly in the process so he doesnt go thru the effort of altering his negative behaviours – so he can focus on Achieving Greatness or fucking whatever it is that men preoccupy themselves with doing. You can simplify this down to the literal power imbalance of the man being larger, stronger than her and her seeking that strength as comfort and security… or how men will react to pain with bursts of anger and women will just shatter.

But i digress,

Here’s the unfortunate reality of the matter.

a man is probably reading this, like, “ok, horseshit effortposting trap, i listen and am attentive to and care for my girlfriend and we are in a fantastic relationship” but fails to contextualize his history of dating leading to this point… of the first serious relationships he has had as a teen or young adult. To arrive at this current fantastic relationship with a woman who feel cared for and respected, he had to process and leave women in his wake. Women who had to pick up the pieces as he moved on. Women who just end up being all sorts of guys’ firsts and take on the emotional load of being abused or the therapist in the relationship.. It has a way of conditioning women to play dumb, be emotionally defensive and learn how to read the people (men) in her life, while men get to be cavalier.

Women are socialized to openly deconstruct and express feelings and anxieties almost to comical lengths in some cases (see: lesbian processing) while men are socialized (and/or compelled by testosterone) to repress until it explodes out when they encounter triggers to their anxiety. Straight women learn to expect less from men to this regard, of closure to issues or his anxieties, so she tends to augment her own behaviour around it (primarily out of his domineering emotional habits).

Curiously, when men conceptualize the “lock and key” analogy or any sort of metaphor for how women are in a place of ease – of having this almost privileged place of having to choose the men in her life to date, to have the pick of the litter so to speak, he doesn’t realize that it’s less a supply and demand thing and more of a “i need to be aware of and be able to perceive behavioural red flags that will get me hurt if i get invested in him” activity… This is also why some women, savvy women, have a habit of NOPING the fuck out of there when they perceived a behavioural thing that signals the insecurity beneath his courtship performance that will eventually detonate the Honeymoon period floor beneath the couple.

The process of selection is a safety measure and not a measure of UNGA BUNGA HOT GUY. And the women who do select by the measure of UNGA BUNGA HOT GUY, will inevitably come to the process of reading for red flags in the end anyway because the emotional load will pile up to the point where she unavoidably becomes conscious of this pattern of male behaviour and begins to select wrt it.

TL;DR men go into therapy and stop “sidekicking” your gf

but like, exasperated, its not even that easy cus this shit piles up.. the emotional load… before men or the women they date recognize what they are doing or realize a pattern to things enough to do something about it. Like, its almost always only occurs after the damage is done and sometimes, they can go decades or even a whole life without realizing this.

What we have is, as a species, women are less defined by their physical traits but the unique traumas they endure and are conditioned by. being TEE HEE cute and aloof is a survival technique.

kinda fucked.

so he can focus on Achieving Greatness or fucking whatever it is that men preoccupy themselves with doing

We preoccupy ourselves with the task of being attractive to potential mates.

It’s tragic but not exactly surprising that this results in some men who appear great at first, and then turn out terrible after their seed is planted, that’s a completely obvious evolutionary strategy.

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